One more year has sputtered by for the dismal creatures known collectively as The Human Race. We have stumbled across a year's worth of fresh trials and ills, each one seeming more familiar than the last.

So we're at war with the Middle East... again. Madonna's less-intelligent reincarnation, Britney Spears, is frightening parents... again. Ebola has broken out in Africa... again.

In fact, the only thing that seems fresh and new this year, even surprising, is that Americans suddenly feel patriotic for the first time in about forty years. It only took the tragic slaughter of several thousand businesspeople, firefighers, police, and airliner passengers to bring about a smidgen of flag-waving.

So, let's hunker down over those holiday pound cakes and that leftover tin of roasted cashews you got at the office, and sing a little noel tune. Shall we? Alright... to the tune of "O Tannenbaum"...

O shoggoth tree, o shoggoth tree,
[mad tuneless piping]
O shoggoth tree, o shoggoth tree,
[insane screaming and shrieking of nameless fiends]

[speaking in long-forgotten, unpronouncable tongues]

O shoggoth tree, o shoggoth tree,
[the sound of H. P. Lovecraft spinning in his grave]

If that hasn't gotten you in the mood for the holidays, I don't know what will. That lousy Muzak in the mall won't, that's for sure.