Film Details:
Directed by Marino Girolami (Roma Violenta)
Written by
Fabrizio De Angelis (Zombi 2)
Walter Patriarca
Romano Scandariato (Emanuelle e gli ultimi cannibali -- Yes, that translates to Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals)
Starring
Ian McCulloch (Zombi 2)
Alexandra Delli Colli (Lo Squartatore di New York)
Sherry Buchanan (La Polizia chiede aiuto)
Review: by Melissa (e-mail your faithful reviewer)
I have a guilty confession to make. I'm not a big fan of spaghetti horror. I fully admit that I have not been exposed to enough Dario Argento films to make a judgement on his stuff, but I have seen more than enough Fulci and Bava stuff to know that their flicks just don't turn my crank. Even Fulci's famous Zombi, with its underwater zombie-versus-shark sequence, left me napping in front of my TV. By and large, I have found Italian horror films to be painfully boring. The experience tends to be something akin to 75 minutes of really boring exposition (from a script so bad that it isn't even entertaining on a Plan 9 from Outer Space level), and 5 minutes of badly-executed gore. Boring. Boring boring boring.
Sadly, despite the wonderful title, Zombie Holocaust is no exception to this rule. I would have rather tried to paint my roommate's cat with those wasted 70 minutes.
Zombie Holocaust is sadly devoid of holocaust, and nearly entirely bereft of zombies. The movie goes something like this:
Minute 1: Hilariously cheap title sequence.
Minute 3: No zombies. Apparently, humans are made out of styrofoam, and there is no such thing as rib cages. Bad soundtrack. Really bad.
Minute 6: Look! New York! Still no zombies, though.
Minute 10: Attempted cannibalism, but no zombies.
Minute 20: I think that guy in the slide show had a liver coming out of his thigh.
Minute 21: I don't think slide projectors can do that.
Minute 30: Trip to tropical island. Still no zombies.
Minute 45: Dammit, still no zombies. And definitely no holocaust.
Minute 50: Is that supposed to be a zombie?
Minute 70: Movie inexplicably ends. Still no holocaust.
This is made worse by the fact that the zombies are perhaps the worst zombies I've ever seen. Imagine zombies that just stand there and say "ugggggh" with heavy-reverb. The makeup consists of dried pancake batter on their faces. They're stripped to the waist, but the pancake batter, er, zombie makeup is only on their faces.
And if the movie has to be this boring, dammit, I want better zombies. If I'm not getting a decent story or script, I want gore. I want slaughter and mayhem and stuff.
The movie does have 5 seconds of a zombie getting a boat motor put through his head. That was alright. But that was it.
So, in a nutshell, give this one a miss. Steer clear of it entirely. If you want an Italian zombie film to watch, grab a copy of Fulci's Zombi. Even though Zombi is also painfully boring, the plot is nearly identical, the zombies are marginally better, and you at least get to see a zombie fight a shark.
DVD Details:
As far as cheap-ass DVDs go, this one is alright. Aside from the lousy print of the film (including the truly awful sound mix), the DVD actually has some extras. I'm not just talking about trailers and stuff. There's a deleted scene and even a few interviews.
Further Information:
Internet Movie Database
