Flickering Opinions: Unspeakable

Film Details:

Directed by Chad Ferrin (You call this directing?)

Written by Chad Ferrin (It would have to have been.)

People who appeared in the film
(I won't say Starring or list them as actors. They didn't and aren't)
Roger Cline
Timothy Muskatell
Gregory Lee Kenyon
Tina Birchfield
Richard Gunn

A Troma Team Release

Review: by Don (e-mail your faithful reviewer)

The name says it all. I can't say much about this film as I didn't even finish it. It is rare for me to simply turn a movie off before it's over. I have suffered through some films that would twist the minds of lesser humans. I turned this one off. Quite possibly the only film in existence worse than this one is Manos: The Hands of Fate, which at least has the distinction of being a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode.

The movie begins with a guy arguing with his wife. We get the idea that they aren't happy. I tell you, if I was that woman, and my husband was that bad of an actor, I wouldn't be happy either. I mean, you thought Jake Lloyd was bad? This guy makes him look like the greatest actor to ever appear in a film (or Gary Oldman for short).

After the car wreck disfigures his wife and leaves her a vegable (sic -- obscure MST3K reference) and kills his daughter, he goes a little nuts. He starts killing hookers and other women at the urging of his dead daughter who, we learn, he loved a little TOO much if you get my drift.

While he kills people he leaves his wife in the care of a male nurse who likes to perform oral sex on her while she craps herself. We then get flashbacks of the guy and his daughter (who on closer inspection seems to be a 40 year old porn star).

After he kills the first girl, I quit watching the movie because her death wasn't even interesting enough to keep me watching. The movie was bad. Bad bad bad. So bad it gave me a headache. The sheer audacity of this Ferrin guy. I mean I know it was a low budget flick but Jesus Christ. It's worse than Episode I, Episode II, and the Star Wars Holiday Special combined. It makes you long for ewoks, pod races and a Greedo who shoots first. It makes you want to gouge out your eyes so you can no longer see it, and burst your own ear drums so you can no longer hear it.

Do not for any reason see this movie. I'm not kidding. Don't think, "It can't be that bad" or "If it's this bad, I have to see it for myself." Do not watch this film. In fact, do not come within 100 yards of this film without protective eyewear and a lead vest. If you see a copy of this film, burn it and sprinkle holy water on the ashes. Then bury the ashes on holy ground and mark the spot well, that others may know it is a cursed place. Do not see this film, it will hurt you. It will go on hurting you. It did bad things to my brain. Khan could have shown this film to Kirk and his revenge would have been complete. I may have to hunt down Lloyd Kaufman and kill him.