Directed by Marcus Nispel (Directorial debut)

Written by
Kim Henkel (1974 screenplay)
Tobe Hooper (1974 screenplay)
Scott Kosar (screenplay – debut, upcoming The Machinist)

Starring
Jessica Biel (Seventh Heaven TV series, Rules of Attraction)
Jonathon Tucker (Virgin Suicides, Sleepers)
Erica Leerhsen (Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, Hollywood Ending)
Mike Vogel (Wuthering Heights, Grind)
Eric Balfour (HBO’s Six Feet Under, Secondhand Lions)
Andrew Bryniarski (Hudson Hawk, The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special)
R. Lee Ermey (You don’t know who he IS, MAGGOT? Drop and give me TWENTY!)

Review: by Don (e-mail your faithful reviewer)

Remakes. Who needs ‘em? I mean, can’t they come up with any original ideas? And why do they have to remake movies that were perfectly good to begin with? It’s not as if it really needs improving. If you’re gonna do a remake, you need to do what they did with Ocean’s 11. The original was crap, so they made a better one. That seems like a reasonable request, doesn’t it? Why can’t you leave well enough alone?

Then again... sometimes it’s a perfectly good film that isn’t really perfectly good. Sometimes the acting in it isn’t all that great. And sometimes it has a sort of chintzy plot hook. Sometimes it isn’t as gory as you actually remember it being. 

The original Chainsaw actually benefited from an update. I have to say that despite a few minor discrepancies I thoroughly enjoyed it. The original suffers much the same fate that Melissa described in her Halloween review, in that it just doesn’t have that same kick anymore. I saw the new film with a relatively small group of younger people, most of whom had not seen the original. They pretty much left the theater shaking in their little booties. I left with a broad smile on my face. The movie had set out to accomplish a thing, and judging by the reaction, it had accomplished that thing and done so with aplomb.

But getting back to those minor discrepancies. 

Sometimes the dialog sounded really forced. Okay, yeah, it’s a horror movie, but let’s try another few takes and get a better line delivery, okay? And the screaming in the can at the beginning? Way overdone. Also, I didn’t really need to see Leatherface’s face under the mask nor did I need to hear his real name.

What else? Little things. I always liked the scene at the end of the original when they were trying to make Grandpa hit the girl in the head. Funny and disturbing at the same time. Doesn’t really need to be in the movie, but I liked it. 

So... complaints, complaints. What was good? A lot, actually. Make-up FX were spectacular. The creepy boy from The Ring was there looking all inbred and being helpful. Leatherface came off as a horrible monster and a petulant misunderstood child at the same time. There was actually motivation for the kids to wander to the house aside from the standard “We’ll go off to have sex then disappear and you come look for us” plotline. I don’t want to say too much about the changes, because there are some interesting surprises. There were a few things I didn’t see coming, and I always enjoy that. They’re rare, especially in horror. 

So, yeah... complaints. But still a pretty cool movie. It certainly wasn’t the abomination it could have been. Remember that when you see it. Yes, the acting is a little bad and the plot is thin, but the original really was worse on both counts. Plus Jessica Biel is hot. There. I said it. Oh, and if you’ve ever wanted Harry Knowles' head on a platter for any reason... wish granted. Also check out John Larroquette as the narrator. Doesn’t even sound like him.

DVD Details:

Hey, the movie came out in theaters TODAY. (Editor's note: well, that was on October 17th, when I got the e-mail from Don...) I saw it last night at a prescreening. It’s brand spankin’ new.  Good money says there will be deleted scenes, though. Those of you adept at spotting the right sort of things will know what I’m talking about. You can just FEEL the edits.

Further Information:

Internet Movie Database