Flickering Opinions: Jason X

Well, here we are, the tenth film in a 22 year old franchise. Jason in Space. Yeah, it's been done. They're taking them all into space. Pinhead went. So did that irritating little Leprechaun guy (I hate him. Fuck him and his gold). So the question is, is it any good this time?

That depends on what you mean by good. I mean, is it a good film? Is it a good Friday the 13th film? Is it just plain dumb? The answers are no, yes, yes. I know what you've heard, and I know what those of you that have seen it may think. I've heard all the complaints:

"It's not scary." None of them are anymore. Most never were. We know this character too well now. He's just not all that frightening.

"It's stupid." They all were save for the first, which was also stupid.

"The acting is terrible." HELLO! What movies have you been watching? I mean seriously, people. The acting in these things has NEVER EVER been good. Just bad to mediocre. Don't even PRETEND to expect good acting. Anthony Hopkins is NEVER going to be in a Friday film, so just deal with it.

I honestly don't know what was expected of this film. It's easily better than the last two. And the fifth one, which was utter crap.

The script is fairly tight. I heard someone say that there were too many occurrences of people tossing out lines that did not further the story. To these people I say, "What, are you stupid?" Of course they don't further the plot. There is no plot. None. There is the pretense of a plot. That's all. Unstoppable Killing Machine kills people one by one till he is stopped in some spectacular manner. Add spaceship. Shake gently. Heave at wall with as much force as possible. Movie is now complete.

So anyway, it's a fun film. It's not good, but it's not bad either. Anybody who is a fan of the Friday series that hates this film is just being way too picky, or hasn't watched the other NINE films in a long time. I mean really. I expect a good story and a good movie from George Lucas and Star Wars. Not from Jason. Not ever.

Now, I do have my problems with it. First of all....not enough nudity. This is a primal need. In crazy 80's slasher flicks, there must be nudity. This isn't the 80's, I know, but it's still an 80's franchise. You have made a very violent film. You have an "R" rating. Do not be a pussy. Show us the breasts. We crave them.

That sounded weird.

Of course, they throw a good deal of the other rules out too, but that's one of the really important ones. My second problem with this film is that Jason really doesn't stalk anyone. He just shows up, kills people, then they get away for a bit. He shows up, kills people, they get away for a bit. It's almost like that fucking snake in that Anaconda movie. That was shit too, though it did give me John Voight and his "Bad Guy Face." I love that face. Best Face Ever. Should be a category for that at the Oscars.

Aside from that, a couple of plotholes that really aren't important enough to worry about because this is a JASON MOVIE. Remember that, you morons. It's not trying to be art. It's trying to senselessly slaughter some teenagers for a couple of hours. No more, no less.

This is a good movie for one reason and one reason only: the Crystal Lake VR sim they stick Jason in to distract him. Those of you that have seen it, you know. "Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow." It's just too bad that they've decided to not use Kane Hodder as Jason for the Freddy vs Jason movie. That just plain sucks, and I don't care what their reasons are.

All right, I've rambled enough. What it boils down to is that it's really pretty fun. It is by no means a good film, and by no means the best of the Friday films, but by no means a bad film. It's a little cheesy in places, and it of course sets up for a sequel. They go for some humor and actually succeed in several places. Rent it. You might like it.

One last thing. Those of you out there who think there are going to be 13 films, no more, no less... kill yourselves. This one only got made because Sean Cunningham, who owns the character Jason, didn't have anything better to do with his time whilst Freddy Vs. Jason sat in development hell. It wasn't even Sean's idea to do this film. It was James Isaac, the director. He just wanted to play with the character, so he talked Sean into letting him do it. Stop it with the whole "13 movies" myth. It's not true and it makes you look like a retard when you say it. They'll make as many movies as they can get away with making.