Film Details:

Directed by Dan Clark (Brats of the Lost Nebula TV series, Shooting LA)

Written By Dan Clark (above, as well as Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation)

Starring
Dawn Marie Velasquez
Dan Clark (Like you're surprised…see above)
Dave Pressler (Shooting LA)
Dan Lake (Beyond Family)

Artisan Home Entertainment

Review: by Don (e-mail your faithful reviewer)

This movie rates up there with The Evil Dead in terms of sheer outrageous coolness. I know in Melissa's review of Versus, she said that movie was a film that desperately wanted to be cool, but didn't quite make it. The Item is the same kind of deal only it succeeds. This movie is cool. Super Happy Fun Time cool.

The Basic Plot: A shadowy corporate guy in real solid role-playing game fashion contacts four crooks to do a job. Add some high tech craziness, and I'd swear this was a Cyberpunk 2.0.2.0. game that I ran once. You gamers out there know what I'm talking about. The crooks are to take possession of a package, which is often referred to as a "monkey." It is actually some sort of genetically created creature. What it is and what it does, I'll leave for you, the viewer, to figure out 'cuz that's plot-integral information. The movie is basically the four crooks holing up with this thing at the house of the girlfriend of Dan Clark's character. They just have to hold onto it long enough for some other shadowy guys to come pick it up, but of course, in a Tarantino-y way, everything abruptly goes to hell in a hand basket -- or at least it would if a hand basket could be found, so it makes do with a five-gallon bucket.

I don't want to say too much about this film and ruin it for anybody. It has to be seen to be truly appreciated. This guy Dan Clark knows what he's doing, Ninja Turtles notwithstanding. Especially the sex scene toward the end. Truly bizarre. If I could get a chance to get hold of the creature, I'd probably ask it how many fish it could name.

DVD Details:

Character Bios
Scientific documentation of The Item creature
Brief PSA on gun safety (funny stuff)

The movie is shot on video, giving it a home movie sort of quality that you get used to and completely ignore after just a little bit. The colors are sharp and the sound mix is pretty good, too.

Ignore any bad reviews you may have read for this film. Those people are idiots.

Further Information:

Internet Movie Database

In Brief

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