Flickering Opinions: Brotherhood of the Wolf

Film Details:

Directed by Christophe Gans (Crying Freeman, Necronomicon -- Segment 2)

Written by Stephane Cabel and Christophe Gans

Starring
Samuel Le Bihan (Three Colors: Red)
Mark Decascos (The Crow: Stairway to Heaven)

Review: by Melissa (e-mail your faithful reviewer)

Last week, the boys at Chud.com were kind enough to send to me two free tickets to the preview screening of Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le Pacte des Loups) here in Minneapolis. Tonight, Sharon and I gladly checked out this new French film, which promised from the previews to be at the very least a nice cinematography feast.

Well, here's my assessment, with all due respects to Roho (who pioneered the format of this review):

The Good!

Location, location, location. The sets, scenery, and visuals are gorgeous.
Everything sounds vaguely poetic in French.
The are ladies are lovely, and they also have actual, honest-to-god characters that have pivotal roles in the story.
The violence/gore factor is fairly high, and done artfully.
This movie has a buff "Native American" guy in a loincloth. Doing somersaults. Need I say more?

The Bad!

THIS IS THE MOVIE THAT NEVER ENDS. It has about eight endings, and none of them come soon enough. The main characters die, and the thing STILL KEEPS GOING. This comment comes from a Kubrick fan. I can watch 2001 without batting an eye, and Eyes Wide Shut didn't seem that long to me. BUT THIS MOVIE NEVER ENDS.
No matter what the ads look like, this flick has nothing to do with werewolves, and it is not a horror film. Sorry, it's not scary. Not in the least. See below.
Horror Filmmaking 101: Never, ever, ever show the monster in full. Knowing your enemy deflates the terror faster than a pin deflates a balloon. SFX can't manufacture terror, not with the best CGI creators in the world. And, dammit, a dog in a porcupine suit just ain't scary.
This movie would be a great cheese-fest movie if it hadn't taken itself far too seriously.
The showdown is lame. LAME. I mean, the bad guy walked up and posed, and the audience in the theater burst out laughing. LAME. They shoot racehorses with a less pronounced limp. LAME LAME LAME. The showdown could have been spliced in from The Crow VI: Sanitation. Ugh.
The editor should be shot. In the head. Twice. Don't you dare cut away from my action. If someone punches someone else, I want to see the fist connect. I don't want to see the body reeling unless I see that fist connect with the face. Don't do a million cuts in a fight scene to cover the fact that your actors can't fight. Pay a damn stuntman and give me something to watch. And if that fight involves a buff Native American man that actually looks like he can fight, I want to see EVERYTHING.

The Disturbing!

This movie has a gross-looking French guy in a corset. Need I say more?

Things I Learned from Watching The Brotherhood of the Wolf:

18th century gypsy French chicks know martial arts.
Both Marilyn Manson and Leatherface originated in Pre-Revolutionary France.
French aristocrats took costuming cues from Eyes Wide Shut.
A hoarde of French gypsy barbarians with knives and spikes are no match for a nearly-naked Native American man.

If You Liked This Movie, You Might Like:

Brotherhood of the Wool (I have to give credit to Jeff for this one): Set in Scotland and beautifully filmed in New Zealand, a band of rogue sheep-buggerers set off and abscond with ewes by the light of the full moon.
Blair Wolf Project: 18th century Frenchmen disappear in the woods while on a quest to find the lair of a murderous beast. Their shaky, hand-drawn sketches and profanity-laden diaries were found a year later.
Crouching Frenchman, Hidden Werewolf: Thousands of American moviegoers crowd theaters expecting to see a rebirth of horror films in beautifully filmed French movie, and what do they get? A showdown with a Frenchman in a corset.

In short, if you choose to go see The Brotherhood of the Wolf, avoid paying full price, go someplace with good popcorn, and don't take the movie too seriously. Don't wait until video, though... the movie does benefit from a big screen.

Then after you've watched it, go cleanse your palette with the old Basil Rathbone version of The Hound of the Baskervilles. You'll thank me.