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Okay. Here they are. They're what you have been waiting for. These are all of the slogans that graced our signs at CONvergence 1999, plus a couple of the better posters. Click on the thumbnails to see larger versions of the signs (in .pdf format).
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Sucks your soul like Jell-O through a straw
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The psyche's ink of doom
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The best stains from R'lyeh
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Defiling coffee shops everywhere
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The taste that ends all
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For the ones you loathe
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Feared and respected by Pump Monkeys everywhere
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Re-animate the dead.
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The toast of Arkham
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So strong it will make you insane
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I've gone mad for Cthulhu Coffee!
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Great with donuts
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A disturbing compulsion
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All the chaos, twice the caffeine
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Feed your inner demons.
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Have your soul consumed.
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It's winning.
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It doesn't need to be brewed.
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Re-animate yourself.
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Your essence. Our brew.
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Melts in your mind
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Good for what ails you
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...for the road ahead
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What do you need your soul for, anyway?
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It just might grab you.
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Dunk your Muppet.
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More disturbing than a barrel of crushed Pump Monkeys
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Tastes like voodoo chicken
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Bill Gates' best kept secret
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 For this, Buffy uses a spoon.
[Buffy © Warner Brothers Studios. All rights reserved.]
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Lubricating the gears of evil
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For your darker side
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For those unhappy moments
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For those special people
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Beyond human comprehension
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Enjoy a fresh, seething cup.
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Get it before it gets you.
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There's no turning back.
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Resistance is futile.
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Yahoo for Cthulhu!
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<sing> It's chaos in your cup!
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Now, with chaos crystals!
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It's waiting.
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Quietly taking over
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Accept your insignificance.
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9 out of 10 shoggoths drink Cthulhu Coffee.
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The coffee of the Ultimate Chaos
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In R'lyeh, it's the coffee that gets Cthulhu out of bed.
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Plagued by logic and reason? Drink Cthulhu Coffee.
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Bad Dreams? Cthulhu Coffee will keep you awake at night.
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The Coffee Out of Space
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Let Cthulhu Coffee be part of your next May Eve celebration!
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It's not your parents' coffee.
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For when plain black coffee just isn't enough
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Beans hand-picked by Nyarlathotep.
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Iä! Iä! It's Cthulhu Coffee!
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...for when the rats in the walls are keeping you awake, anyway.
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Served in the finest covens.
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Served in the finest Dunwich/Ipswich/Arkham inns.
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The official coffee of Miskatonic University.
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...for when you're tired of decaf.
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Do you take it black or downright evil?
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The timeless classic...
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Tired of plain old dimensional travel? Drink Cthulhu Coffee!
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Dimensional travel has you worn out? Zip up with Cthulhu Coffee!
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Tired of blinking?
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Be able to read your signature with a bar code scanner.
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Vibrational invisibility in a cup
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Filtered evil
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Serve Cthulhu Coffee and you'll be the last to go!
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Help solidify those voices in your head.
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The De-Evolutionary Catalyst
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Just one cup, and you'll be doing non-Euclidean geometry... in your head!
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Warning: Do not touch with bare skin.
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Warning: Side effects may include third eye springing for forehead, spontaneous human combustion, and turning inside out.
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For those late nights in the Special Collections shelves
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Don't stare too deeply at the swirling patterns on the surface.
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Make it in our new Gibbering Percolator
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The Coffee out of Time
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The Flavor out of Space
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Good 'til the last quivering gelatinous blob
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Gives new meaning to the phrase "eye-popping"
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See the tendrils, feel the tendrils, be the tendrils!
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Every cup is a miasma of flavor.
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For the cyclopean horror in you
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Be a Cthulhu achiever!
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The last one finished wins!
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Now that's tradition!
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For your spiritual side
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 "Naughtiness beyond .. well .. everything" -The Tick
[The Tick and Arthur © Fox Network and Ben Edlund. All rights reserved.]
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Get your Pump Monkey shakin'
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How the emperor got evil!
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The dark side of caffeine!
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Even Satan needs milk.
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The darkest Dark Roast
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